21. Why does God allow miscarriages, spontaneous abortions and stillbirths?

Our First Child

I’ll never forget our first ultrasound. My wife had (finally) gotten pregnant and we were expecting to get the baby’s first picture to celebrate with our friends and family. But the woman performing the ultrasound wasn’t celebrating, in fact she was quiet almost the entire visit. She just stared at the monitor and later referred us back to our doctor. Perhaps, we thought, the baby was still too small to be photographed.

Back at the doctor’s office, the doctor’s assistant showed us to a waiting room and whispered, “I’m so sorry.” Sorry? Sorry for what? Our wait time wasn’t that long.

We knew something had gone wrong. Our doctor tried to soften the blow by telling us that the baby was still very small, just a few cells, really. He also said it was very common among first pregnancies. Our baby’s life had ended before it even had a chance to begin.

Neither of us knew exactly how to feel. Sure, we were sad and disappointed, but should we mourn the loss of this life? Was it even a life at all? Our church certainly made a big deal over how life begins at conception, but they weren’t treating this like a “real” death. No one suggested we name the child, or have a funeral, or buy a teeny casket and a tiny burial plot in memory of our lost embryo. Apparently, it was not that big of a deal.

Is not even the womb sacred?    

Since then, I’ve learned that as many as half of all fertilized eggs will spontaneously abort. As a Christian, I wondered why God would allow the death of our child, and billions more like it.

After all, Genesis 1:28 does instruct us humans to “Be fruitful and increase in number; fill the earth and subdue it.” As we obey God’s command, it seems self-defeating that he should run interference on fulfilling his own desires.

Jeremiah 1:5 and Psalm 139:13 also tell us that it is God who forms children in the womb: “For you created my inmost being; you knit me together in my mother’s womb.” Does God make mistakes? How is it that God can fail at something he is actively building?

Exodus 21:22-25 also teaches us of the value that God places on the life he is creating in the womb: “If people are fighting and hit a pregnant woman … you are to take life for life.”

If the unborn life is this important to God, why doesn’t he protect it? Why would he order us not to harm unborn children, yet allow other forces to interfere with their creation?

In short, God instructs us to multiply, he says he personally forms the child in the womb, he inserts a spirit and expresses the utmost concern for its survival…  and then he allows it to die. Why?

Were do these children go?

One common defense is to say that God “allows” for Satan to kill these children, but God himself is not responsible. Miscarriages, then, are like any other form of suffering: God is not responsible, he just allows it.

So while God is busy knitting a child together in the womb, Satan comes along and says, “Can I take this one?” And God says, “Sure, I will allow it, because man is sinful.”

Even assuming this is true, what would Satan have to gain from killing the unborn?

If you’re Christian, you probably believe that deceased babies get a free ticket to heaven. If that’s true, then killing these children just means Satan loses an opportunity to deceive them during their lifetime. What’s the point of Satan helping people enter heaven? Unless — perish the thought — these children are sent… to hell.

Unless these children go to hell, neither God nor Satan benefit from ending these lives. It is literally a lose/lose situation. So if neither party benefits, why allow it?

Is God sparing us from something worse?

Another defense is to reason that maybe God is being merciful by not allowing a life to continue. But if that’s the case, why start the process at all? If God is all-knowing, why bother to form a baby he know’s he’s just going to toss out? And why allow so many defective babies to make it to term before dying? Why didn’t God show them mercy by ending the pregnancy earlier? Or by preventing it altogether?

Some might be tempted to suspect that miscarriage is God’s way of telling someone they are not yet ready to be a parent. But if that’s true, why not just prevent the conception? And why allow others to conceive who are clearly not ready to be parents? And why do some people alternate between successful pregnancies and miscarriages?

We Christians spend so much time and money trying to prevent abortions, while God doesn’t even bother to prevent spontaneous abortions. God “allows” for more killing than all the abortion clinics combined!

I see no logic behind an intelligent designer who creates life knowing it will fail. Nor can I see the logic behind Satan helping millions of children into heaven.

Even the Christian website GotQuestions.org admits that:

“There are no easy answers to these questions. Indeed, there is no satisfying conclusion that we will ever come to as to why bad things happen to people, especially innocent children.”

God… or Nature?

When we believe in God, we sometimes are forced to wrestle with these difficult questions, that result in unsatisfying conclusions. Is there a reasonable explanation? Or are we asking the wrong questions?

If we allow for the possibility that nature alone is responsible for our creation — and not God — we may find answers that are more intellectually satisfying.

If nature alone is responsible, then her lack of compassion is due to a lack of a brain. While it might seem counterintuitive to credit the creation of all life to something without a brain, nature doesn’t actually evolve things through any sort of thought process, but rather by trial and error.

If something can make a copy of itself, it succeeds and goes on to make more copies. If it cannot, it is quickly discarded and does not go on to make copies. In this way, nature’s successes are cumulative and every generation builds upon the previous one.

But nature is no more concerned about making a successful baby than a copy machine is concerned about making a successful copy. That’s not to say that these deaths are unimportant or without purpose, in fact, it’s quite the contrary. It’s nature’s fallen that have made us into what we are today, and we owe our very existence to them. “Failure” is a necessary part of the process, and without it, life would be impossible.


Eventually, my wife and I went on to have two wonderful children, whom we would’ve cherished with or without the miscarriage experience.

But we were left to wonder: “Was this miscarriage a message? A punishment? A curse? Are there invisible forces of good and evil locked in an epic battle over our embryos? Or did nature simply muck this one up?”

Miscarriages and stillbirths are stressful events, and can be even more stressful when we are forced to try and square them with our faith. When we assume God exists, it logically follows that these events are not random, but premeditated decisions. At some point, God has to say “Yes” to stillbirths and miscarries, and this makes little sense.

But if these events are random, then there is no premeditated decision, no responsible party, and no need to make the irrational seem rational. It means that you didn’t lose your child because of God was mad at you, or because God felt you weren’t ready to become a parent, or because God “allowed” Satan take your baby.

Unfortunately, for now, we are still at the mercy of nature to make our copies. Perhaps one day we will be able to intervene, and guarantee the successful development and delivery of all children. But until then, all prospective parents need to be aware that nature is imperfect, and that failure is most definitely an option.

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52 Responses to 21. Why does God allow miscarriages, spontaneous abortions and stillbirths?

  1. more likely, ancient people had no clue about early miscarriages and so they just were never considered pregnancies

    when you look at the historical time period – the technology, the scientific understanding (which is to say, very limited) – then the text makes sense – it’s just not based in reality.

    there is much in religion that makes no sense – for example, if you really beleive that there’s a heaven, why grieve when someone dies at all? Shouldn’t you be happy they are in heaven and you’ll get to see them again?

    religion might provide some comfort, but I have more often seen it’s inadequacy to really deal with the real emotions and in situations like yours – when the religion says it’s meaning is one way – but the reality is far different.

    that said,

    I am sorry for your loss – because it is a real loss of a potential future that might have been.

    • Thanks, but no worries. Yes, it did have a potential future, but then so does every unfertilized egg and wasted sperm.

      I think the REAL loss comes from looking forward to something that doesn’t materialize. It’s like thinking you have a winning lottery ticket, only to find out you don’t. The money was never going to be yours, but you still lose that promise of something good you thought might happen.

      But I think you’re right in saying that religion isn’t inadequate to deal with every situation. In my case, religion taught me that I’d lost something substantial, so I should probably grieve like it. But if the actual truth was that I’d only lost a small blob of cells that never even knew it existed, then that ain’t so bad.

      It’s interesting how Islam deals with miscarriage, saying that a spirit isn’t inserted until 120 days after conception. That doesn’t solve the problem entirely, but the idea probably provides more comfort to couples who lose a child early (which is the majority of cases).

  2. rautakyy says:

    When I was just a kid the son of my elder sister died. He was a small baby and the doctors could not explain why life abandoned him. My family is atheist so it was explained to me that he no longer is and that it is OK to mourn him. And so we did, and then moved on in our lives.

    According to christian theology he went to hell, because he was not babtised. So, to me christianity is not about a beatifull fairytale, but about terrible injustice. Regardless of who was responsible for him not being babtised, it can not be his fault. He should not be punished. He could not even walk let alone be capable of anything evil or even selfish. Now, to me that is all a fable, but it terrifies me, that there are basicly ordinary people who are willing to accept this sort of injustice and ready to claim a god who sets such rules to the universe to be a moral entity.

    I see no difference in that sort of thinking to acceptance of genoside, slavery, torture, or the holocaust. It is just basicly ordinary people who are willing to accept these atrocities if they are sanctioned by high enough authority. Like there was any sort of magical trick that would turn evil into good.

    • Anonymous says:

      Christianity does not require infant baptism for salvation…

      • Spirit Junkie says:

        Catholicism does.

        • Sara says:

          The Roman Catholic Church contends that its origin is the death, resurrection, and ascension of Jesus Christ in approximately AD 30. The Catholic Church proclaims itself to be the church that Jesus Christ died for, the church that was established and built by the apostles. Is that the true origin of the Catholic Church? On the contrary! Even a cursory reading of the New Testament will reveal that the Catholic Church does not have its origin in the teachings of Jesus or His apostles. In the New Testament, there is no mention of the papacy, worship/adoration of Mary (or the immaculate conception of Mary, the perpetual virginity of Mary, the assumption of Mary, or Mary as co-redemptrix and mediatrix), petitioning saints in heaven for their prayers, apostolic succession, the ordinances of the church functioning as sacraments, infant baptism, confession of sin to a priest, purgatory, indulgences, or the equal authority of church tradition and Scripture. So, if the origin of the Catholic Church is not in the teachings of Jesus and His apostles, as recorded in the New Testament, what is the true origin of the Catholic Church?

          For the first 280 years of Christian history, Christianity was banned by the Roman Empire, and Christians were terribly persecuted. This changed after the “conversion” of the Roman Emperor Constantine. Constantine provided religious toleration with the Edict of Milan in AD 313, effectively lifting the ban on Christianity. Later, in AD 325, Constantine called the Council of Nicea in an attempt to unify Christianity. Constantine envisioned Christianity as a religion that could unite the Roman Empire, which at that time was beginning to fragment and divide. While this may have seemed to be a positive development for the Christian church, the results were anything but positive. Just as Constantine refused to fully embrace the Christian faith, but continued many of his pagan beliefs and practices, so the Christian church that Constantine promoted was a mixture of true Christianity and Roman paganism.

          Constantine found that, with the Roman Empire being so vast, expansive, and diverse, not everyone would agree to forsake his or her religious beliefs to embrace Christianity. So, Constantine allowed, and even promoted, the “Christianization” of pagan beliefs. Completely pagan and utterly unbiblical beliefs were given new “Christian” identities. Some clear examples of this are as follows:

          The Cult of Isis, an Egyptian mother-goddess religion, was absorbed into Christianity by replacing Isis with Mary. Many of the titles that were used for Isis, such as “Queen of Heaven,” “Mother of God,” and theotokos (“God-bearer”) were attached to Mary. Mary was given an exalted role in the Christian faith, far beyond what the Bible ascribes to her, in order to attract Isis worshippers to a faith they would not otherwise embrace. Many temples to Isis were, in fact, converted into temples dedicated to Mary. The first clear hints of Catholic Mariology occur in the writings of Origen, who lived in Alexandria, Egypt, which happened to be the focal point of Isis worship.

          Mithraism was a religion in the Roman Empire in the 1st through 5th centuries AD. It was very popular among the Romans, especially among Roman soldiers, and was possibly the religion of several Roman emperors. While Mithraism was never given “official” status in the Roman Empire, it was the de facto official religion until Constantine and succeeding Roman emperors replaced Mithraism with Christianity.

          One of the key features of Mithraism was a sacrificial meal, which involved eating the flesh and drinking the blood of a bull. Mithras, the god of Mithraism, was “present” in the flesh and blood of the bull, and when consumed, granted salvation to those who partook of the sacrificial meal (this is known as theophagy, the eating of one’s god).

          Secondly, Mithraism also had seven “sacraments,” making the similarities between Mithraism and Roman Catholicism too many to ignore. Church leaders after Constantine found an easy substitute for the sacrificial meal of Mithraism in the concept of the Lord’s Supper/Christian communion. Even before Constantine, some early Christians had begun to attach mysticism to the Lord’s Supper, rejecting the biblical concept of a simple and worshipful remembrance of Christ’s death and shed blood. The Romanization of the Lord’s Supper made the transition to a sacrificial consumption of Jesus Christ, now known as the Catholic Mass/Eucharist, complete.

          Thirdly,Most Roman emperors (and citizens) were henotheists. A henotheist is one who believes in the existence of many gods, but focuses primarily on one particular god or considers one particular god supreme over the other gods. For example, the Roman god Jupiter was supreme over the Roman pantheon of gods. Roman sailors were often worshippers of Neptune, the god of the oceans. When the Catholic Church absorbed Roman paganism, it simply replaced the pantheon of gods with the saints. Just as the Roman pantheon of gods had a god of love, a god of peace, a god of war, a god of strength, a god of wisdom, etc., so the Catholic Church has a saint who is “in charge” over each of these, and many other categories. Just as many Roman cities had a god specific to the city, so the Catholic Church provided “patron saints” for the cities.

          Fourth, the supremacy of the Roman bishop (the papacy) was created with the support of the Roman emperors. With the city of Rome being the center of government for the Roman Empire, and with the Roman emperors living in Rome, the city of Rome rose to prominence in all facets of life. Constantine and his successors gave their support to the bishop of Rome as the supreme ruler of the church. Of course, it is best for the unity of the Roman Empire that the government and state religion be centralized. While most other bishops (and Christians) resisted the idea of the Roman bishop being supreme, the Roman bishop eventually rose to supremacy, due to the power and influence of the Roman emperors. When the Roman Empire collapsed, the popes took on the title that had previously belonged to the Roman emperors—Pontifex Maximus.
          Many more examples could be given.

          These four should suffice in demonstrating the origin of the Catholic Church. Of course, the Roman Catholic Church denies the pagan origin of its beliefs and practices. The Catholic Church disguises its pagan beliefs under layers of complicated theology and “church tradition.” Recognizing that many of its beliefs and practices are utterly foreign to Scripture, the Catholic Church is forced to deny the authority and sufficiency of Scripture.

          The origin of the Catholic Church is the tragic compromise of Christianity with the pagan religions that surrounded it. Instead of proclaiming the gospel and converting the pagans, the Catholic Church “Christianized” the pagan religions, and “paganized” Christianity. By blurring the differences and erasing the distinctions, yes, the Catholic Church made itself attractive to the people of the Roman Empire. One result was the Catholic Church becoming the supreme religion in the Roman world for centuries. However, another result was the most dominant form of Christianity apostatizing from the true gospel of Jesus Christ and the true proclamation of God’s Word. Do your research on the history of the Catholic Church, you will find this to be all factual. Remove yourself from dead religion and come to know Christ through being born again.

          Second Timothy 4:3–4 declares, “For the time will come when men will not put up with sound doctrine. Instead, to suit their own desires, they will gather around them a great number of teachers to say what their itching ears want to hear. They will turn their ears away from the truth and turn aside to myths.”

    • Anonymous says:

      When Jesus was on the cross with the 2 thief, 1 of the the thief believe in Jesus and Jesus told him that he will meet him in paradise. The thief didn’t get baptist appartley. Im not saying that you don’t need to get baptist I am saying that God is a understanding and fair God. All he want is the best for you and willing to do whatever it takes to protect you. It wouldn’t be fair is the baby died and went to hell. The baby is in heaven.

    • Scott Bitz says:

      Christian theology doesn’t support “infants in hell”. So called “christian traditions” do.
      What about the generations of tribes in the pacific islands, the Congo, Madagascar, Borneo, and the jungles of South America and India? Many have lived and died without knowledge of Jesus. What about the thousands of aborted human fetuses, yanked from their mothers wombs with a rusty coat hanger? Do they all end in the lake of fire due to ignorance? I think the FATHER might have something to say about that. What does the Bible say? Acts “{17:30} And the times of this ignorance God winked at; but now commandeth all men every where to repent:” – KJV Unquote.
      Men, Women, and Infants are still dying in ignorance, and as long as they are, I believe the ignorance loophole is OPEN.

  3. From what I was taught growing up Christian, there was some age of accountability (though the actual age is debated). If you died before that age, you get a free pass to heaven. Though… logistically… I always wondered why parents didn’t just kill their children before they reached this age. This way, the children are guaranteed to avoid an eternity in hell (which is where the Bible says the majority of us are going). Afterwards, the parents could just repent. I’ve even read that some people have used this Biblical loophole to facilitate a kind of state-assisted suicide (see http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/State-assisted_suicide).

    As a Christian, I saw this kind of hell as morally acceptable. I thought “God sacrificed his only son, so if you don’t accept His sacrifice then it’s your own fault.” But now I seriously question that logic. How could it ever be moral and ethical to torture someone for eternity for ANY crime? It’s excessive. God, having known that even one human would end up in hell, should’ve never created them in the first place. Also, God shouldn’t do it simply because it’s not something He would want done to Himself (duh). He taught us the “golden rule,” why doesn’t He live by it?

    I don’t know why I couldn’t see that. It’s a total “might makes right” argument; just because God is bigger than us it’s okay if He tortures His creation. It’s like suggesting that if mankind ever figured out how to create a completely new form of (feeling) life, it would be morally acceptable for us to torture it. It’s NOT okay, our empathetic nature tells us it’s not okay. So if God exists, I can only hope He’s more reasonable and understanding than the Bible makes Him out to be.

    “Religion is an insult to human dignity. With or without it you would have good people doing good things and evil people doing evil things. But for good people to do evil things, that takes religion.” ~ Steven Weinberg

    • Sara says:

      Ask God to reveal to you the truth about hell/the second death. The word hell is not found in the original text. It is translated wrong. Please do not take it from me though. When I first heard this I was shocked and thought people must be trying to twist scripture to what their itching ears wanted to hear. However the Holy Spirit told me to stop and pray for discernment from HIM and not from preconceived ideas that I had been taught. So I did. And when I knocked, asked,and sought, He opened the door and answered! I will not put everything here because it is SO amazing when HE answers you personally. A person can list articles and websites, but does nothing for your relationship with God. Seeking His truth WITH Him is how you come to KNOW beyond a doubt He lives. People question His existence based off logic and head knowledge. He does NOT work that way and tells us that in scripture, yet people continually try to seek Him that way to no avail. He works supernaturally. Let Him work that way with you! He will! He came to save us from DEATH. To give us everlasting life. Not from torment. Everlasting life is unimaginable to our mortal minds.

      1 Cor 2:9 “But just as it is written [in Scripture], “Things which the eye has not seen and the ear has not heard, And which have not entered the heart of man, All that God has prepared for those who love Him [who hold Him in affectionate reverence, who obey Him, and who gratefully recognize the benefits that He has bestowed].”

      John 10:10
      “The thief comes only in order to steal and kill and destroy. I came that they may have and enjoy life, and have it in abundance [to the full, till it overflows].”

      (Btw, destroy means DESTROY-and what happens when you destroy something? Does it last forever?) Anyway, God does not torment His children. But He does not wish for His children to perish. (Once again-perish has an end-has nothing to do with everlasting torment). So many people are atheists because they cannot believe in a God that would torment babies/children (like some in the article are saying), or even just the fact that a so called “loving” God torments people who don’t love Him back. That is simply not true. The Catholic Church came up with that in order to scare people into following their “religion”. (As they came up with a whole load of other religious nonsense which they will answer for-btw, their telescope in the Vatican is named Lucifer for anyone who wants to look more into that.) There may be some good Catholics not knowing what they are doing, but we are called to test all things.(1 Thes 5:21) . But they are told they can’t understand scripture so they shouldn’t read it and if they have a question go ask their priest. If that doesn’t tell anything right there, I don’t know what else could. But there is A LOT of stuff behind what they are doing. Idols in their churches, repetitive prayers, call no man father-yett that is what the priest is called, the pope is called the vicar which means equal or sometimes they even refer to him as higher than Christ.

      It is a HUGE issue that people need to wake up to-they have Pope Francis right to deceive the masses. We are in the end times. WITHOUT A DOUBT the Catholic church is part of what will usher that in. That may be hard to believe to people who are just hearing this. This is a common fact among many, but obviously the main stream media will not cover this. When they have prayers and everything else that has to do with God taken out of schools but then the popes entire body painted on buildings as though he is God Himself, you know something is up with that right there. If that is not a wolf in sheeps clothing I don’t know what is!

      But anyway, ask, seek, and knock about that as well. Just thought I would plant that seed as that is and will continue to destroy SO many as well. Ask an atheist what church they were a part of before they became an atheist. 99% of the time it will be catholic. Sorry for the tangent, but this stuff is slightly important! God bless you all!

      http://www.godsplanforall.com/mistranslationstomeanhell (just to get you started)

      • Anonymous says:

        You’re an awesome person and you’re so right about all of that . You really did your research . That helped me a lot

        • Anonymous says:

          That is complete horseshit. The Pope today doesn’t, nor does any of his disciples say that people shouldn’t read the scriptures or that they can’t understand it. It’s folks like you who don’t understand context or history that can’t wrap their head around things, which is exactly why it is a good idea to talk to a priest if you don’t understand. When those things were said, most of the world couldn’t read. That’s why the learned priests read to them at church. Priests also dedicate their life to the study of scripture, just like a doctor studies their field. If you are the type of person that doesn’t have 8 hours a day to research the Bible, then when you read something you don’t understand it would make perfect sense to ask your priest and then follow up. However, Catholics are not told today not to read and they are encouraged to engage in a conversation with their priest if they don’t understand, but they are certainly allowed to study on their own.

  4. Sam Rudin says:

    The most important thing to remember about the so-called Christian idea that “life begins at conception” is that this was never historically part of Christian doctrine. If it had been, then funerals for miscarriages would be common — indeed, they would be required.

    What that doctrine did say, however, was that sex was wrong, sex was bad, sex was sinful – especially for women. Of course, the church knew very well that people were going to have sex anyway, no matter what the doctrine said, but that was perfect. That made everyone “sinners” and everyone was now dependent on the church to somehow make them right with God. Thus did the church gain all the power that it lusted for.

    The threat of unwanted pregnancy was a strong reason for people, and especially women, to abstain. (Much stronger in fact, than the mere threat of sinning against God.) So anything that helped lessen that threat — contraception, abortion – was also a sin. The only reason that modern fundamentalists (wow, there’s an oxymoron) have latched on to this idea of life beginning at conceptionis that they were losing the war on sexual attitudes and behavior.

    So because reactionary Christians were desperate to re-criminalize sexual behavior, they came up with the brilliant idea that “abortion is murder”. For anyone who buys that idea, sex must once again be fraught with real danger.

    Unfortunately, Planned Parenthood, NARAL, and other defenders of women’s reproductive rights have allowed these right-wingers to define the rhetorical battlefield.

    “Abortion is Murder!” they cry. “it’s a woman’s right to choose” is the response. “But it’s murder, bloody murder!” “Well, you know, it’s a woman’s right to choose.”

    This is a losing argument, and the Fundamentalists and their Catholic allies (ain’t that an historical oddity) have been gaining ground for 30 years. The only proper response to “abortion is murder” is “NO, it’s not murder, an early or mid-term fetus is not a baby, and your religious forebears never thought it was, which is why there have never been funerals for miscarriages!”

    • Teresa Wendorff says:

      During ancient times women used plants and herbs, there were forced marriages, stonings, miscarriages and so on and the only thing the Bible really says about it is that God knew the person who would eventually grow to adulthood as well as the one who would not. There is no phrase of judgment of the woman carrying the fetus. Death does not really mean much to our creator as you can see from so many stories about who smote whom and whom God smote. We are all subject to death. We should be about the business of being good to each other, to taking care of nature and the animals, plants and the earth and that we should mind our own business about the subject at hand because it is not our decision. Mothers and babies were smote and the Bible doesn’t say what happened to the men who did that. It does say God loves all his creatures and that is what we are to emulate. We are to instruct the sinner so that bad things do not happen other than by chance. We have instructions about greed, conduct, killing and so on that we are to follow, but as far as abortion goes, perhaps we need to start instructing a whole lot more so that there is no need.

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  6. Marissa says:

    I came across this blog tonight while searching for answers for why God allows miscarriage. I am Christian and have suffered two in the last 4 months, found out my husband was having an affair, and was diagnosed with a fairly common degenerative back disease, non the less still another lightening bolt from the man above-or at least that is what it is starting to feel like. I wonder sometimes why? Why do I have to suffer so many things? Am I going to be better off because of it? Am I going to be blessed with His plan for me that will far outway the pain and betrayal I have recently felt in the last 8 months? And I flip flop bc I know their are people out there who suffer much worse than I. So I am certainly not complaining, however, I find myself asking why quite a bit bc truth is I’m a good person. I deserve the faithful husband, the healthy body of a 24 year old and a healthy womb. So why? Why do women who deserve far less acquire life within their drug using bodies and why are they “blessed” when they don’t even want a baby? Why can my husband have an affair and I am told to show grace and move forward? It’s hard and I’m just ranting at this point but I found this interesting and I like that it justified many of my feelings. Thank you

    • Hi Marissa,

      First of all, I really am sorry for all the crap you’ve been going through. Sure, there are probably people who are worse off than you, but it doesn’t change the fact that it still sucks.

      And ya, I’m sure there are plenty of Christian websites out there that are willing to reassure grieving people that it’s all part of God’s divine plan, or that God will reward them handsomely for all their hardships, but I guess this isn’t really one of those sites. I’m more interested in questioning the reality of that plan. Like you say, it doesn’t really make sense that God should allow a crack whore to conceive while a loving family goes without a child. Or for God to force one person to endure a life of hardship and suffering while he blesses another, and then rewards them both with same heaven (one of those people didn’t really get a square deal).

      One of the difficult things about being Christian is trying to understand all these “whys.” If God DOESN’T exist, then the answer comes easy: life sometimes sucks because it’s not part of a plan. Nature can’t think, so she doesn’t care if an evil man prospers while an innocent child contracts malaria and dies. But GOD can think, and there should be some rhyme and reason to a thinking God’s creation. I guess what I’m saying is, it’s often easier to say, “All this random suffering exists because there is no plan,” than it is to say, “All this random suffering exists because God has some unknown plan and will reconcile all this unfairness later.”

      While nature can’t think, we humans can, and we should all be held accountable for our actions to others — this includes husbands. But there are shades of gray to every situation, so I won’t pretend to know the details and what you should do.

      Anyway… even though life does sometimes suck, I like to think of these hardships as the random price we must all pay for getting to experience life. For some, it’s more expensive than for others. But even bad experiences can later help to make the good times seem even better.

      Thanks for writing. 🙂

      • Hannah M says:

        You have asked the big question! “Why does God do _______” Well, as it says in another part of the Bible “My ways are higher than your ways, my thoughts higher than your thoughts.” My suggestion is that the first thing you should do in order to understand “why” is to admit that He is God, and you are man, and learn to trust Him.

        • MyAvatarIsAPygmyAtheistAlien says:

          Hannah, why should anyone just “admit” there’s a god, when no evidence has been provided? Without even knowing that such a thing exists, how in the world can any reasonable person place any trust in it?

          Trust, like respect, is something that is earned by actually demonstrating that you are worthy of it.

        • Jack says:

          Marissa, may I suggest another possibility that would answer 500 Questions’ miscarriage as well: maybe the Christian God is not Christian at all; maybe He is deistic. Deism says that God created the universe and then left it to be run by the natural laws He put in place. Deism says that God plays no part in our everyday lives. That’s why millions of good women like yourself lose children, suffer an unfaithful husband and get ill. Millions of good women around the world suffer the same fate, so do millions of bad women. Millions of good women have it all, millions of bad women have it all. It’s all a roll of the dice in this life. The only thing the deist God says is “Love one another” and “Treat others as you would want to be treated” That’s all we’re here for, as we’re pretty much nothing but the result of a man and a women getting horny one night and deciding to have sex at the right time of the month. Some of us made it to adulthood, some of us didn’t and a bunch died along the way. Them are the fact as far as I am able to perceive them.

      • mswindows10 says:

        The “Preacher” was right.

        Life is meaningless.

        Ecclesiastes 8:14 – “There is something else meaningless that occurs on earth: the righteous who get what the wicked deserve, and the wicked who get what the righteous deserve. This too, I say, is meaningless.”

        Sorry for very very very late comment!

        Your friend on Reddit – mswindows10

    • Anonymous says:

      I recently started reading the Purpose Driven Life, if you have not read it or haven’t recently it might help with some of this. I found this blog entry researching what Christians think about miscarriages because I too had one. It’s very hard to understand why these things would happen especially if you believe every person has a purpose. What was the purpose of the life that didn’t happen? Anyway, I am sorry for everything you are going through and hope that you find some peace in it all. May you be blessed.

  7. Alexis says:

    That was a great, thought-provoking analysis to read. Thank you for posting your story and a collection of logical, biblical arguments that go along with such a philosophical question 🙂

  8. Hannah M says:

    I know this is old, but I have to chime in.
    Satan is still after Christians because as Christians we can go on to glorify God through the things we do. If satan beats us down enough, takes enough things from us, steals from us, etc, then we could become paralyzed to the point where we aren’t bring glory to God, or doing His purpose, or spreading His good news or descipling others! That’s why satan is still after us. So I think that he does take away life from us. I

    • Howdy Hannah, thanks for writing.

      If we go ahead and assume that Satan exists (and that he isn’t just a character who was invented a few thousand years ago), and he is indeed after Christians in order to discourage them from spreading God’s word, then I have to wonder why he bothers to attack Christians and non-Christians equally. One would think he’d leave non-believers alone, since they are already doing what he wants. (Why give them a reason to cry out to God?)

      Moreover, if ONLY Christians suffered miscarriages, we might be able to objectively determine that becoming saved leads to miscarriages, but that’s not the case. What you’re saying may be possible, but it’s impossible tell the difference between God/Satan causing miscarriages, and them doing nothing at all.

      Interestingly, we HAVE been able to objectively identify many other environmental factors that can lead to birth defects and miscarriages, but so far, not of those point to Christianity (otherwise church doors would need to be marked with a warning label). As far as we can objectively determine, miscarriages are caused by natural causes, not supernatural causes.

      On a macabre but interesting side-note, my wife just attended a baby-shower this evening for a Christian woman who is pregnant with twins; one of the twins has died in utero, but must still be carried to term. Hard to reckon what Satan/God was thinking, this is both a blessing and a curse!

      Have a good one!

      • MyAvatarIsAPygmyAtheistAlien says:

        500Q: maybe church doors should be marked with warning labels anyway… Especially as hazardous to children and infants 😉

        • Faithful says:

          I had the perfect little girl after 17 years of prayer and doctors and specialists told me i would never conceive. Three years later 2016 and 2017 i had two miscarriages in 8 months. It was tough. As some said even if it was nothing in the eyes of scientists – it was still a promise or hope for another child and a prayer being answered for me. I cannot figure it out. I certainly do not believe this promise was nothing – and for me it is impossible for satan to have killed or stolen my baby, because i believe that God lives inside of me and i am protected by the blood of Jesus and i have prayed for my baby and pleaded the blood of Jesus over my baby EVERY day. I did find an answer as Jesus gave me the name Daniel. I watched a clip today that you can watch at the end of it i found an answer good enough for me. https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=9cSC9uobtPM so in the end i believe that my baby of what was supposed to be my baby is with Jesus and i will be with them one day. And also that God knows what HE is doing. He knows better and I do not understand why but one day i will ask HIM> Untill then i will be faithful to Him.

  9. Mother of an Angel. says:

    I’m sorry. I’m sorry for your lack of knowledge. You must not know a lot about the bible. Maybe not have the faith in god that i do. Or the closeness i have to him. But to take verses about unborn childeren, childeren who have died way to early, or that we should be fruitful and multiply. And then back it up with maybe he made a mistake and said we shouldnt be too fruitful.

    God takes these angels for a way bigger purpose. You really think satan has anything to do with this? Satan had nothing to do with it. To me there are no questions. God took me little angel from me. He planned her. Yes. He let me feel the joy of having her. Yes. He took her back to heaven. Yes.

    She didnt die. Her soul is still there just like every babies soul who is miscarried. The one that dont physically make it to this earth. Just like when we die. Only our body is dead. We’re still here.

    You are pretty much saying what is the purpose of the baby if it doesnt come to earth. Why does he let other babies with special super powers come to earth.

    It’s to build his army of angels. To help him in his work. So what he took them 65 years to early. Innocence and ignorance are forgiven. You seriously think he’d let that little angel go to Hell.

    That baby, like every other miscarried baby, are way better off in heaven than on this earth. And for the babies on this earth. They’re here to spread his word. To work for him on earth. To gather every soul and let them accept God into their lives. Because there is no greater thing than to be his child and serve him.

    Everyone is on earth For him. He created us. Gave us life. And by appreciating the life he gives and takes away. By celebrating this loss as joy for there early departure just for the fact that they get to see him earliet. Feel his warmth and love. Understand that everything does happen for a reason. You just have to open your eyes enough to find it.

    By the way. I’m 18. This was my very first child. Will always be my first child. Will always be my first birth. She will always be my little angel. Im proud of her. She is doing something i’ve never done. She is rejoicing in heaven.

    I’m sorry you lost your angel. Just know she/he too is in heaven. Keep peace in your heart with that. I’m sorry the people around you did not see the baby as a real loss. Forgive those who are ignorant of your situation. They don’t know your pain, or your feeling of being stuck. It’s okay to mourn. It was a life cut short. But she/he still grows as a child in heaven. I hope you find your peace.

    • Hi Mother of an Angel,

      I’m sorry about your loss, and mine. I know this is a very sensitive topic, and it’s certainly not my desire to berate anyone who has lost a child. I understand that faith in an afterlife gives people hope, and allows us to cope with loss. If that idea helps you, then more power to you (and I would advise you to stop reading here). But please, don’t write me and others off as ignorant just because we disagree with you.

      For me personally, I need to try and remove myself from the emotion of the situation and ask, “Does this really make sense?” If it does, great! If not, I want to question the information I’ve been given.

      Does it really seem logical that God would want to create a body just to dispose of it? Just to obtain another angel? This seems wasteful, especially when you consider that he could’ve just as easily created an angel in heaven, and spared us all the grief.

      If God is going to create people to spread his word, and to give them a choice, that’s fine. And if he’s going to create angels in heaven who never see earth, that’s fine too! But he shouldn’t confuse the two needs. He shouldn’t begin preparing someone for life on earth, and then decide what he actually wanted was an angel heaven. If he wanted them in heaven, he should’ve created them there in the first place.


      • Spirit Junkie says:

        According to the bible, humans and angels are two separate species. Therefore, when a human dies, it would NOT become an angel. My father is a pastor with a doctorate in theology. I am not a Christian, but please believe, I know the bible backwards and forwards.

      • Anonymous says:

        And to build off of that, if he wants to make an “army of angels” them what’s the point of populating us on earth for such a short time compared to the “eternal afterlife”? If it’s to spread his word to non believers, why put us on earth and give the chance to not believe when we could be made angels to start and never disbelieve? If he’s perfect and all knowing, why would you knowingly make something such as satan that will fight against you, or get mad about things that you know are going to happen and allowed to happen?

    • Anonymous says:

      Mother of an angel this is the answer I was looking for. Thank you for posting this. May god bless you. I have two angels in heaven. I lost one a year ago and two weeks ago.

  10. me says:

    I am truly sorry for the loss you have felt. I have lost my oldest son myself. I have questioned many things and I truly believe my son of 20 years was a gift from God. I can tell you no matter how long you are allowed with your child it is never enough. However, because I have had the experience of having and loosing a child I have changed. Has your loss changed you in any way? Maybe instead of asking why so much, give it time, the experience may be to help someone else or in the grand picture there may be an understandable reason that has not been revealed yet. The “whys” are tough but if you keep looking for the silver lining it will show. We can not understand something fully with only half the story. Please know I honestly feel a parents pain and death of any kind when looked at through earthly eyes will never fully be understood.

  11. kandise says:

    I had a dream that I was in the park playing with 2 girls and for some reason I felt like I knew these girls. I was playing with them and Iove them so much. I remember God saying that these were my sisters. But when I woke up I told my friend about the dream and I told her I never had any sisters that past. Then I remember that my mom had a miscarriage 5 years ago and an abortion like 10 years ago. And the two girls were like 5 and 10 yrs old. Then I remembered a semon by jessie duplantis talking about his experience to heaven. You should look it up on you tube. I believed that your children is in heaven. Just used that experience as a testimony. God Bless you ❤

    • Hi kandise,

      Thank you for your testimony, I do hope you get to see your sisters again. I (personally) don’t put much stock in the afterlife, but it would be nice if things worked out that way.

      I once had a dream I drank from a dirty goldfish bowl. I then went for a drive, and by the end of the drive my car had (somehow) turned into a mountain bike. I don’t think there was any special significance or meaning to that dream (though I’m sure I could make one up if I tried hard enough), I just think my mind was sifting through what it knew while my consciousness was shut down. Often times I can connect my dreams to recent events (such as a movie I just watched), and can figure out what influenced them. (I’d always found our dirty goldfish bowl pretty disgusting, so I’m sure my brain was just screwing with me.)

      But I do find it interesting that some animals (like horses and dogs) also have dreams. I can’t imagine what they dream about, but our brains do not appear to be the only ones that tell us stories while we sleep.

      Sweet dreams!

  12. reader says:

    I would really like to talk to you about how you handle conversations with your kids regarding religious belief and with your wife regarding these topics. I’m in the same boat as you with a devout husband and younger kids, but some additional complications. Could we chat over email?

  13. This has been the most interesting blog I have read in quite some time.

    I was researching the term ARE MISCARRIAGES GOD ABORTIONS? and came across this site.

    After reading everything I plan on taking some time to absorb this information and peoples opinions and most a more in depth replay later on.

    Myself on religion, I hate it but I do believe SOMETHING made us and not necessarily this big bang explosion and we are the results. We humans seem too intricate for that to be our method of creation.

    I go back and forth between believing in a God being agnostic back and forth again but I stop short of saying Atheist because something put us here PLUS the eternal damnation drilled into my brain from Church of Christ & Baptist churches, still has a hold on me for having the big fear of going to hell for having doubts.

    500 please never stop updating this blog. It is very interesting to non-believers and religious people even though most probably would not admit it. 🙂

    • Please forgive the typos 🙂

    • Hey, thanks OklahomaGirlUSA.

      For the longest time I too believed SOMETHING had to create us, but kept coming back to the question, “Then what created that something? Something had to be first.” I’m not opposed to the idea, but the question remains.

      And I wrote about hell recently, too (#57), for the first time. I think death and hell both drive us to believe. In fact, studies show that when people are asked to think about death, they are twice as likely to express a belief in God and Jesus. So we know belief is not always driven by the evidence.

      Anyway, I have many more interesting questions to cover, so I’m sure I’ll be around for awhile. Thanks for commenting.


  14. aserish says:

    I am never one that drop comments but I ll say this. The bible calls Satan the God of this world , when man sinned according to the bible he gave Satan his authority so he became under the devils control and manipulation. But than God when Jesus came he defeated the devil go thru Ephesians . He gave us back our authority which we can only exercise in His Name. Except you know who you are and the authority you have in Jesus name life will frustrate you. This is because the system of the world does not support justice. With you authority get what you want. The bible says the kingdom God is taken by force.

    • And yet… Christians like my wife and I still had a miscarriage. Maybe we were exercising his name incorrectly.

      • Faithful says:

        No you did not do it wrong. I tested the authority too. The first time i told myself that if i prayed and believe more it would work out better…….Four months later i was pregnant again after only 1 try. I thought this time i would try harder. Nope still did not work. The baby had a slow heartbeat… and even after the gyne told me twice – he will die – i still would not believe it, i kept on praying for healing, i kept on praying with force and authority – not only me- but an army of warriors……it still did not work…..and there is nothing wrong with my faith or God. So tried this theory, sometimes it just does not work. There is no right or wrong way. It either works or it does not.

  15. NOTW says:

    God’s not dead (great movie) for this topic
    I belive that God has a plan he creates and he let’s life happen we will suffer tragedy we are human God suffers with us I am a good person but I am not perfect I do sin I may be saved I may be going to heaven but I deserve hell. God does not torture us he just allows a decision to be made by us that decision comes with eternal life or eternal damnation he let’s you decide with warning he did not intend to condemn you to hell that is why he gave us Jesus.
    As a parent you know that your child when no longer innocent is capable of evil would that have stopped you making a child? Would you love and forgive that child for almost anything? I would Should God have never made us knowing what we were capable of? And he loves us even when we sit and hate him even when we doubt him even when we turn away.
    I can only imagine what you must feel it scares me all the things that can go wrong but God is my courage and my strength through him all things are possible.don’t give up on God or church maybe find another church one that feels right for you. I pray that you would find your faith again also for peace and comfort that is for anyone who is hurting right now.

    Death is inevitable the only thing we are guaranteed in life is that and it will always hurts we should mourn its natural but know that you can carry on and you will smile again.

  16. If I had a stillbirth God would be to blame.

  17. ASkepticalChristian says:

    I am just wondering what is God’s response to this question….

  18. Daniel Ruben says:

    God doesn’t kill unborn babies, it’s just natural processes at work. Unfortunately, nature just works the best it can and is wholly indifferent to human feelings It must be evolutionary advantageous in some way for so many fertilized eggs to spontaneously abort. Probably the embryo is unviable somehow. Ironically, the traditional Christian belief strictly interpreted is that unbaptized babies do in fact go to hell. Not a hell of suffering but a pleasant place on the very edge of hell called Limbo. But separated from God nonetheless. So from that point of view you *could* argue that killing babies before they’re even born is an excellent way for Satan to populate his world.

  19. Trish says:

    What an icredibly irresponsible article. Please do NOT give any credence to this inane and repulsive dialogue!

    • Hi Trish,

      These comments are intended to allow space to provide constructive counter-arguments. Would you care to elaborate on why you think so many pregnancies miscarriage, and how it fits into God’s plan (or not).


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